Now onto today’s show I want to talk judgement the good, bad & ugly of it. First I want to talk about my upbringing with judgement. Growing up in a small town judgement not only happens but we all know what the judgement is from our neighbors or friends. I saw this in my own household with my mom who is pretty judgmental. Not only was my mom but my best friends mom was as well. That is what we were modeled on a daily basis. To truly live judgement free I don’t know if that is completely possible. One way I find myself working through judgement, as it’s been a process in my life to work through is to acknowledge that a judgement came up and ask why I think that. It makes me stop & think and process. Typically judgement comes from insecurities in our own lives or people just being noisy and wanting to project something onto someone’s else’s life.
How judgement played a role in my life growing up in the 90’s when the model thin look was in, there was a ton of pressure to be model skinny. I started lifting weights when I was 16 and only did arms & abs. I didn’t put any leg workouts into my program as I didn’t want my legs to get any bigger. I already thought I was the biggest girl on my sports teams. In actuality that wasn’t true we were all the same size but I saw myself so much bigger at the time. I think we all do that we judge and compare ourselves to celebrities, best friends, women we see on social media.
One of the things we don’t always know is what is actually going on in that person’s life. There can be so many reasons why they made certain decisions, gained weight, lost weight, or started a workout plan. We don’t always know what’s going on with that person. My constant seeking of perfection with my own body in high school led me to cut myself for about 6 years. This is the first time I’ve shared that. I felt so much pressure to be perfect with my body be a good athlete, and make the B honor roll that I started to cut myself. I craved seeing the scar, or blood from my arm. In high school I had an amazing friend who did threaten me that if I didn’t stop she was going to tell my parents. That had did make me stop for a month or two when she would check to make sure I didn’t cut myself. Then I went to college and felt the same pressure and it started again. I felt I was a disappointment on the basketball court and started cutting again. I did end up stopping my junior year. I would say I just grew out of it. I didn’t have any epiphany besides the fact I was tired of wearing wristbands playing tennis to cover my cuts. I’m lucky I don’t have any scars from cutting. Those are things we don’t always see about people. We think we know who they are and what they are about by looking at someone but we really are onions that we have to peel. The more you get to know someone & the more they trust you the more they will reveal about themselves.