Tired of doing all the "right" things while losing yourself
The "good girl" story that we tell ourselves, that others have put onto us, and the realm that society expects of women is one that can be difficult to look at examine, and realize is going on in your life. Today we are diving into looking at those stories and how we can start to recognize patterns in our life that might not be our own.
What is a "good girl"?
According to the clinical definition the good girl syndrome is one where we are taught to mind our elders, and men. We are taught to not say no, to keep our opinions to ourselves as to not upset others. You need to take care of others needs first your needs and self-care come last or it is deemed as acting selfish.
If you're a mama you can see why there can be harsh judgement from either yourself or others when you might go on a solo trip, make space for your own needs, feel excited to be away on a work trip so you can have a bubble bath without being interrupted. We are taught that those things make us a bad and uncomplitent.
How does this show up in your life?
If you reflect on the above definition, how does that show up in your life? Were you modeled dinner must be on the table and home cooked by 6pm every night, maybe your mother never took a trip away by herself and left you home with your father or other relatives, did she dream of taking space for her but was unable to?
Those were all ways we were modeled how a "good girl" should act. Maybe your mom was a stay at home mom and she trained you to put her kids needs above her own, maybe she worked a ton and you never saw her but yearned to, or maybe your mother wasn't in your life and you had a grandmother or only male role models modeling to you what a "good young girl" should act like.
Those are all schemas that were placed upon us at a young age. We all have them, some are good, some are not. Some we need to work through in therapy or coaching to rid ourselves over the stories we were told.
When I was reflecting on how this shows up in my own life, I realized that I do this when I teach yoga. I've been a personal trainer for 15 years and feel very comfortable throwing together workouts and classes. Yoga came into the picture 7 years ago and I just don't have as many reps teaching classes, meditation and doing more inward practices teaching in larger groups. I feel more imposter syndrome there.
I realized this when I asked my meditation teacher- Tracee Stanley will people get bored doing the same meditation class after class? Even though I know that's what they need. She had said you want to give people what they need, not what they want. That comes from programming we were taught that we had to be the people pleaser, the good girl, no upsetting the customer.
Which to me made a ton of sense. I was always wanting to be a people pleaser. Of course you want people to like your classes and like you, but I know I'm not for everyone. That entire process is hard wiring to look at and undo. Being okay not being the good girl and saying your opinion even as small as I don't think you need to do a vinyasa class today, you need to do restorative. Now 1:1 I'm very good doing that, in a group setting with people I've never met, it's scary for me.
Ways to break the "good Girl" mode
- Get radically honest about where it's showing up in your life- ask a friend, notice comments that you make that might not feel aligned with you and ask yourself where that came from?
- Do things for you- do you feel guilty? Why? Where did that come from?
- Notice deep beliefs- Where and why did those come to be?
- See a therapist- if you have some deep good girl beliefs and patterns that are showing up in your life, talking it out with a professional will help you release some of those patterns.
If you want to dive deeper into self wisdom and unveiling new levels of yourself
Seasonal Living Collective
I wanted to create this program to help women become more confident in listening to our intuition by using tools that have been at our disposal for centuries. In recent years we’ve forgotten our connection to the powers that lie deep in our bones and I want to help you awaken to your powers once again.
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