You're Not Distracted, You might be overstimulated
It's election week, and if you feel like you're floating in a void, you're not alone. There's a lot happening, a lot of emotion, a lot of unknown. We're in a liminal space, and when we're in it, many of us do the same thing: we override our systems.
We feel tired. We feel exhausted. And then we don't rest in any real stillness, because sometimes we don't want to hear what the stillness brings.
The meltdown after swim lessons
My three-year-old is a happy-go-lucky kid, but when he has a meltdown, it's epic. Last week we had one after swim lessons, on the one day I needed to get my oldest to tennis and everything was tight. Changing room number 3 was taken, so he had to use number 6, and he did not want number 6. If I'd had time, I could have waited for the person in number 3 to leave. I didn't have time.
Has he done this in the last six months? No. But does he do it the one day I have somewhere to be? Of course.
I stood there trying not to lose it myself, leaning on my yoga breathing to calm me down while I tried to calm him down. We left with him in his pants, a towel wrapped around him, no shirt and no shoes, kicking and screaming. That was as far as I could get him dressed.
Looking back, his little nervous system was probably feeling the adults around him. He'd also had school that day with substitute teachers, which he has never had before. It looked like all the regular teachers were out, with subs in every classroom, and that threw him for a loop. He was overriding his little system. I was trying to keep mine together.
I finally understand the "couple hours to myself" thing
I'm solo parenting about five days a week, and I'm trying to keep the train on the track without my own train derailing.
I'm recording this late at night, and I realized something. I used to wonder how people could say they need a couple of hours to themselves in the evening. I truly didn't understand it until now. Between working in different jobs, teaching yoga, running my own business, and taking care of the kids and their activities, I have no time for myself.
So what happens? I can easily override my system. I grab my phone, I turn on the TV, I do a thousand other things instead of sitting down to a yin practice, which is what my nervous system is actually craving. That keeps me in a perpetual, out-of-balance state.
I can see why it's so easy for parents, and for anyone trying to escape reality right now, to grab a phone and find one tiny piece of joy.
Pulling back the curtain
Social media is built to keep us on it. Instagram just came out with 90-minute videos for some creators, meant to keep us there longer as it competes with YouTube. And there's dopamine in it: when people like a post or send a DM, you get that instant gratification.
Boredom has quietly left the building, too. When was the last time you waited for your coffee order without pulling out your phone? Or stood in a grocery line? (Honestly, with so many self-checkouts, I'm rarely waiting in lines anymore.) As a society, we've decided to eliminate boredom.
The other day I was putting away laundry. Sometimes I'll play a podcast while I do, but this time I decided not to bring my phone and just be with my own thoughts. It was so nice. I thought, wow, when was the last time I sat here doing a mundane chore and just thought? It had been a long time.
The more we invite in that stillness, the more comfortable we get with it, and the less overstimulated our nervous systems feel.
When sitting still feels like too much
Often what we are, more than anything, is tired. The world feels like it's going a thousand miles an hour again. And we tell ourselves that if we could just meditate, life would be better.
But if your nervous system is really frazzled, sitting and meditating can be tough. You might need walking or movement meditation first.
That's why workouts work for me. There are two times my brain completely shuts off. One is tennis. I love my Monday day league because I truly think about nothing, and I just flow with my game. The other is yin yoga. I can hold a pose for four or five minutes and just be there. When I'm teaching, I'll pause in those three to five minutes and sprinkle in some wisdom, but sometimes I forget I need to take people out of the pose because I've gone completely blank.
I think that's a skill we may be losing, and I don't think that's a good thing. Where do new ideas come from? Often, from the stillness.
It's vata season
In Ayurveda, we're in vata season: light, dry, mobile, and a little erratic. Vata is exactly the dosha that gets pulled into scrolling. Here's the new thing, here's the new thing, and it lights up in all directions. What vata needs is warmth, rhythm, and grounding.
I heard a radio DJ say that the first thing she does is take a few deep breaths, because she knows she's out of balance when she opens Instagram. I love that.
Small practices to try
- Three deep breaths before you touch your phone in the morning.
- A boredom minute. At work, instead of turning on music, pause and look out the window for a minute. Do nothing. Just clear your brain.
- Stillness with a task. Wrap your hands around a warm mug of tea and feel the warmth. Feel your feet on the floor. Pair it with something so you can tune into your five senses.
- A doorway pause. Before you walk into your house, take a moment at the threshold. Let me release the person I just was, and step into who I'm going to be.
And come back to the breath. I say this in my yin classes: if the breath slows down, often the mind slows down. Try it right now. Just an open-mouth exhale.
This week's challenge
Pick one of these practices. Not all of them, just one:
- Three breaths before touching the phone
- A boredom minute staring out a window
- Stillness with a task, tuning into your five senses, if you're not quite ready for the others
Then tell me how it's going. How is the world feeling for you? I know it's a lot. Notice where you can calm your own nervous system, whether that's through complete stillness or a little movement.
Go out there and spread your peaceful power.
Want to hear the full conversation? Listen to this week's episode of the Peaceful Power Podcast.
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